Amazon High

(there be spoilers below)


As you may or may not know, Amazon High the pilot episode, became Lifeblood the Xena Episode. It was very interesting to see the original AH pilot, and I have to say, I rather enjoyed it. Lifeblood, of course, was a bit of a mess, but I'm wondering, now that I've seen AH, will it be less of a mess. I doubt it <g>.

Amazon High starts with Cyane (Selma Blair) in present day High School, trying out for the cheerleading squad. It seems, that if you are on the cheerleading squad, you will be popular (really? LOL). She, apparently, is not popular, and her one friend is the punk girl outcast type who is the butt of all the jocko basketball player's sexual jokes (implying that she is the school slut...which she is not.). Some background: Cyane's parents have died, and her uncle is her guardian. He's an archeologist (or something).

Back in the past...a tribe of women led by Samsara (played by Danielle Cormack who looks *fabulous* btw!!), are warring with the local caveman tribe (who, we learn later, have killed all of the men in the "amazon" tribe). The ladies are out for revenge, but they are out numbered by the cavemen, so they ask their last remaining (old) man (who happens to be the hoodoo voodoo dude of the tribe) to ask for help from the great Utma (sounded like Atma to me, but I'm going by Whoosh's cast guide for Lifeblood). At the same time the shaman guy is doing his ritual, Cyane (of the future) is grasping the same antler dagger that he is using (she is in her uncle's museum/lab, poking around) and zap...she appears in the past. I think this part was seen in Lifeblood. Cyane does a lot of screaming etc, as she is taken by the tribe.

While the tribe tries to decide what to do with her, Cyane befriends one of the young tribe members (Monica McSwain? sorry, didn't catch the character's deferring to Whoosh again...I'll say it is Monica, and that would make her character's name Olan). Anyhoo...they exchange cute dialog (as Cyane still thinks she's in her own time, kidnapped or something), and in the morning, she decides to escape from the cave and Olan wants to escape with her (as she is the outcast of her tribe).

Cyane soon realizes she's not in Kansas any more (actually, she is from LA), as they are chased by a Saber Toothed tiger (she has just seen one on exhibit in her uncle's lab). They are chased into a cave where Olan is cornered. Here we learn that Olan can communicate with animals. She convinces the cat to back off, briefly, but it attacks again. Cyane forces it off with some pepper spray from her backpack. The other tribe members are impressed that she's chased off the beast and begin to believe that she is the one they've been waiting for to lead them against their enemy. All but Samsara, she is not impressed. In fact, she's rather cranky that the others would turn over the tribe so quickly.

The tribe decides they need to know once and for all whether she is the Utma and they setup a challenge for the next day. She and Samsara will fight. That night, Olan and Cyane exchange more cute dialog, Cyane showing her what lipstick is, etc...This is very funny as the next day, Olan shows up to the contest wearing Cyane's lipstick and all the women are very interested, and it soon sounds a lot like a slumber party. "Oo. Does this come in other colors?" It may sound goofy here, but it was very funny...these big tough warrior chicks talking about lipstick. But I suppose that was the point. They weren't tough warrior chicks, they were just women who had lost their loved ones and were out for revenge. Samsara barks them back into warrior mode, reminding them why they're gathered. (you go Danielle!)

Samsara does some impressive warrior moves, showing her prowess with a staff, ending with the staff a few inches from Cyane's chest. Cyane is scared, but laughs it off and says "That was impressive, but can you do this?" and she does her cheerleading routine ending in a split. Samsara, not to be outdone, tries to duplicate the routine (badly...funny to see Danielle do this), but cannot do the spit which makes her a bit of a laughing stock. She gets angry and decides a footrace will settle it. This scene is shown in Lifeblood, I believe. Cyane falls into the river and is saved by caveboy Karl Urban (interesting to see him as a caveboy after seeing him as Caesar for so long <g>).

Samsara thinks caveboy has kidnapped Cyane and she tries to kill him (also seen in Lifeblood, I think...sorry it's been a looooong time since I saw that one). Cyane stops her, and they go back to the tribe. Her punishment for helping (and kissing) the enemy is death. Claudia Black as Karina has quite a large part in this (as big as Danielle's) and she has taken a liking to Cyane, as she reminds her of her dead son (stubborn and clever). She warns Cyane that she'd better come up with a better defense than "He was a really good kisser."

Cyane's solution is to convince them not to war with the cavemen. She tries to rally the tribe around every cliché known to man (all you need is love, happy shining people holding hands, give peace a chance...etc...) it works for everyone but Samsara. She wants her revenge and she's not convinced that Cyane is the Utma. The others rule that she can live, and think she's very wise. To celebrate, they invite her on the hunt the next day. This is the scene in Lifeblood where they wrangle the horses and Cyane jumps on the white one. All are impressed (even Samsara) as no one has ever had the nerve to ride one (they eat them instead).

Cyane gets an idea of how to even the odds with the cavemen...she wants her friend to talk to the horses and ask if they can ride them if they promise not to eat them anymore. The horses aren't interested. "So we will be slaves instead of dinner? No thanks."

The cave men attack and take Cyane and Olan prisoner. The cavemen are cannibals, and they plan to eat them. Caveboy Karl wants to marry Cyane, and they will eat Olan at the ceremony (charming <g>). They try to escape (Olan does), but Cyane is caught. Caveboy Karl's father wants him to kill Cyane, but he cannot. The "amazons" (and I put this in parenthesis because they are not officially called amazons by anyone but Cyane at this point) attack and rescue her and decide it is time to live in peace. They move out of their underground cave and go to live in a valley far away from the cave men where they hope to start their lives again.

The old Shaman of the tribe is dying, and on his death bed he tells Cyane how she can get back to her time (he told her when she arrived that he didn't know how to get her back). She grabs the same antler dagger that brought her there, does the incantations and zaps back to her uncle's lab. She goes on with High School life, but she can't seem to get the amazons out of her head. One day at cheerleading practice, she has visions of her "Amazon sisters" fighting, she unconsciously transposes the amazon fight dance to her cheerleading routine as everyone stares. The boy she likes on the basketball team claps, as does everyone else. Jocko insult boy makes some more disparaging sexual remarks about her punk outcast girlfriend, she attacks him and makes him tell the truth. He never slept with her friend and he's a virgin. On her way out of the gym, she flips the boy that she likes, because he high fived his buddy for the rude comments and she quits the cheerleading team.

She heads to her uncle's lab to have a heart to heart with him as she is conflicted about where she belongs…in the present or in the past, helping the amazons (who seem to be in trouble….what else is new? <g>). Her uncle is not very warm to her. The dialog goes something like this:

"Can I talk to you?"
"I'm busy." (he continues working)
"It's important."
"Alright," (reluctantly) "But can I work while you talk?" (he still doesn't look up)
She tells him that she knows that he never wanted to take care of her (which he doesn't deny), etc…you get the idea. We've tied up the ends in the future, and back to the past she goes.

As she suspected, the cavemen are causing trouble again, and she goes back armed with some sugar to bribe the horses into service (which works). The cavemen are prosecuting caveboy Karl for not killing Cyane, and the amazons attack on horseback, knocking the snot out of the cavemen (this was seen in Lifeblood as well, if I'm not mistaken). The amazons let caveboy Karl go and tell him to lead his tribe with honor. (or sumpthin')

Freed from the caveman threat, the amazons officially adopt the name Amazons, and Karina gives some awkward, heavy handed speech about not allowing men into their tribe and helping people and doing good, etc…(I think this might be in Lifeblood too. Sorry, I really should go back and watch it <g>)

So Amazon High ends with the featherheads dancing around a fire.

As I said on my Dragon Con page, I rather enjoyed this. I really liked Selma Blair and the gal who played her friend. Danielle played a hard ass which I enjoyed as well.

I really don't know where they were going to go with this though…they kind of wrapped it up at the end there. Would she travel back and forth between past and present? Would she bring Amazons to the future (could she bring Amazons to the future?) If they've taken care of the cavemen, who would be their enemy…Alti? (thatta been good!) I dunno. There you have it. Amazon High.

If anyone else saw this, and I've left something out, or missed the cosmic point or something, please let me know. I thought I'd get a second shot at watching this, so I wasn't really committing a lot to memory the first time. Ask me questions about it if you'd like. I'll do my best to remember.


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